You Can't Control the Ocean
Learning to ride the waves instead of resisting them.
Mind racing - unable to slow down.
Heart longing - overwhelmed.
Body tired - but feeling overstimulated at the same time.
This has been happening a lot to me lately.
If you’re like me, you’ve experienced the forces of life crowding out your clarity and calm. It could be work, finances, relationships, kids, not to mention the very real global crisis’ we’re all facing.
It’s like a wave that keeps crashing.
Have you ever noticed that we have a way of compounding the challenge by trying to control it? We spend our energy planning and arranging every detail to death, or we work overtime to bury, avoid, or distract. We dig in and overcompensate in attempts to manage all the discomfort and uncertainty.
As if we could control the ocean. It makes sense, but really it’s just plain old resistance.
What if there was a better way?
What if we practiced moving with the current of the complexities we’re facing, allowing the truth to be what it is so that we ride the waves in wisdom instead of being pummelled by our fears.
Here’s what it might look like:
Grief is knocking at your door and you allow it to have some space in your life, even if it’s messy.
You’ve got too much on your to-do list and you allow yourself a long walk to clear your head even if everything doesn’t get done.
Your relationship is in rocky terrain and you allow the discomfort to teach you instead of avoiding or rushing to a quick fix.
You’re worried about being too much but you allow yourself to take up some space in the places that really matter to you.
You are unsure about how it will all work out, but you allow the uncertainty in and make the changes you know you need to make.
You don’t have time to do it all, so you allow yourself to say “no” to new requests.
Anytime we allow instead of resist, we are allowing the truth of our fears to be acknowledged, and feel the discomfort that accompanies it. And, when we allow it all in, we always move to higher ground.
It’s counter-intuitive - we think a hard-nosed resistance will save us. The force of our fears are greater than our capacity to strong-arm them away. Instead, we need to “fight” them by letting it all in and discover we have resources we weren’t aware of.
We can float instead of flail.
I see it in myself, my loved ones, and the clients I work with every week.
The practices and resource below speak to some of this and I encourage you to take just a bit of time to slow down and use them in a way that makes the most sense to you. Consider the parts of your life that you’re resisting often, and get curious about what the next step of allowing might look like.
Attempting to float with you,
-Christa
“Spiritual Practice doesn’t make you perfect, it simply makes you present.”
Allow vrs. Resist
Recently I’ve been using this poem with some of my clients. I’m always amazed at the insights and epiphanies people have as they slow down and take a moment to ask themselves what their soul wants to say about this idea of resisting and allowing.
Why not take a few moments and read this poem for yourself. Notice what images, ideas, emotions, and even body sensations emerge for you while you read it over a number of times.
Ask your soul what you should be paying attention too?
Allow by Dana Faulds
There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.
I always love being introduced to new resources and sharing them with others. If you’ve got a book, a piece of poetry, an artist I should know about, a podcast, video, article, blog post, recipe, life hack, or anything else worth knowing - please hit reply and pass along!
For now - here are a few things people have shared with me in the past I think you should know about.
Podcast - if you’re looking for a good laugh, this one will do it.
Book - I’m always interested in learning more about how our body works, and we are in unprecedented times as we discover more and more. This book is dedicated to learning more about the vagal system and polyvagal theory - imperative to our health and emotional regulation.
Musician - I love ambient music when I work or drive - this artist has a lot to offer!
When we think about this idea of resisting and allowing, the Enneagram has quite a bit to offer us.
There are many sources that dive into these dynamics and help us see that each Enneagram type has core fears and desires that drive their behaviour. Resisting these can lead to unhealthy behaviours and emotional distress.
Likewise, each Enneagram type also has core values and potential that can lead to growth and fulfilment when embraced and allowed.
Take a look and see what you resonate with and find helpful.
Type 1
Resists being affected by emotions or instinctual drives, leading to self-control and rigidity.
Allows for emotional awareness and self-reflection and acceptance of limitations, leading to authentic living and integrity.
Type 2
Resists acknowledging their own needs and desires, leading to over-giving and people-pleasing.
Allows for self-care and self-acceptance of their own needs, leading to balanced giving and receiving.
Type 3
Resists authenticity and self-expression, leading to a focus on performance and external validation.
Allows for honesty and true self-expression regardless of what people might think, leading to a focus on internal growth and a sense of personal emotions.
Type 4
Resists change that could dull their "special" identity, fear being left because they are perceived as flawed, and finding difficulty with ordinary routine.
Allow themselves to embrace their emotions fully, including the negative ones, without dwelling excessively on them. They should also strive for objectivity, considering their own perspective and emotions as valid but not the sole truth.
Type 5
Often resists vulnerability and connection, fearing emotional overwhelm or rejection. They may withdraw into their intellectual world to avoid emotional pain.
Allow themselves to engage with their emotions, seek support from others, and step outside their comfort zones. Moving to find healthy hobbies and learn to manage their energy, including calming down in a healthy way.
Type 6
Sixes often resist being alone or unsupported, fearing insecurity or instability. They may seek security through loyalty to others or authority figures.
Sixes can allow themselves to be vulnerable and trust in their own judgment, developing independence and self-reliance.
Type 7
Resists boredom, pain, and the feeling of being stuck or controlled. They strive to avoid discomfort by seeking out new experiences, engaging in fun, and keeping their minds busy.
Allow themselves to slow down, be present, and face their fear of pain and suffering. They should focus on developing a deeper connection with themselves and others, allowing themselves to feel and process emotions.
Type 8
Resists feeling weak, vulnerable, or controlled. They assert control over their environment and others to maintain a sense of power and strength.
Allow themselves to experience and process their emotions, including vulnerability, and to recognize the value of others' perspectives and ideas.
Type 9
Resists assertiveness, conflict, and being the center of attention. They prefer to go along with others and maintain harmony.
Allow themselves to acknowledge and address their own needs and desires, embrace conflict and change, and actively engage with their surroundings and feelings.
I’ve had the pleasure of working with many groups this year - I’m now booking into the Fall and Winter 2026. If you’re looking for a someone to accompany you in your own Enneagram journey, as an individual, a couple, small group, or you’d like to bring me into your organization, you can learn more about some of the Enneagram support I offer here.
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That poem is full of wisdom. I often wonder how the poets find so much wisdom so early in life. Perhaps they have learned to allow sooner than the rest of us and so they do see the world with new eyes.
I know what you mean Carin! Hope you are well.