I'm turning 50.
There's no shame in being human.
Yes. Yes, I am. At the end of the month, I’ll walk myself right into a new decade, and I’ve got a few thoughts.
Regardless of what age you are reading this, we all seem to carry this idea that the older we get, the more we’re supposed to be able to “figure out” how to do life - to master the art of being human.
I hear it in my friends, my clients, and I hear it in myself. We seem surprised that there are still stubborn issues that don’t seem to go away after years and years of struggle.
It’s as if we assume that the daily beat of our hearts would drum away these challenges.
Granted, there are things I know more about now, and worry less about than I did when I was twenty, thirty, and forty, but as I approach the big 5-0, I want to remind myself and you:
We don’t master being human and eliminate challenges, we learn how to walk more skilfully with the challenges we must naturally bare.
There’s no shame in being human.
There’s no shame in not making everything good, right, and perfect.
There’s no shame in feeling lonely when you long for connection.
There’s no shame in trying your best and discovering you have limitations.
There’s no shame in hoping for the ideal and being disappointed by optimism.
There’s no shame in withdrawing & figuring things out in order to feel safe.
There’s no shame in feeling fearful and wishing you had more courage.
There’s no shame in wanting distractions from difficulty.
There’s no shame in using your strength in order to avoid feeling vulnerable.
There’s no shame in staying small so you won’t make waves of conflict.
Shame isn’t helpful. It never transforms, only condemns. And while all these “shames” are normal to the human experience, I want to grow up into wisely knowing how to bare these types of human challenges with greater skill. I believe this is the mark of an elder.
I’d like for all of us to embrace a more humane, human pace.
I’d like to know what I can change and live with what I can’t gracefully, understanding that perfection is an illusion.
I’d like to learn that I can be alone and not lonely, and that loneliness is a natural part of the human condition.
I’d like to see my limitations as natural and not an affront to my value and worth.
I’d like to be one that can see the ideal even in the ordinary and mundane.
I’d like to stay open to “not knowing”, to enjoy the freedom of being a beginner.
I’d like to worry less, see my fears more clearly, and understand that uncertainty as an invitation to deep trust.
I’d like to see suck the marrow out of ALL of life - not just the “high side”.
I’d like to take steps in vulnerability, knowing it’s the terrain of intimacy with Life.
I’d like to stand up for my personal priorities and take action, even if the effort feels overwhelming.
Do you resonate with any of these? Do you see a flavour of the particular human challenge you bare?
I’m a fellow pilgrim in this “human school” we are a part of. If you’re looking for someone to accompany you on your path, why not check out the upcoming SoulPlay offerings, like WIDE ALIVE, the October Soul Circle I highlight below, or consider connecting with me in a personal coaching or spiritual direction relationship - I’d be honoured to accompany you in living more fully human and humane.
And…stay tuned for some “50th Jubilee Gifts” I’ll be giving away!
May we give ourselves permission to be human and walk at a humane pace, and may we offer this to each other as well.
Christa
ps. If you hadn’t noticed, the bullet points above loosely correspond with the nine Enneagram types! We have aspects of all the types within us. We are all human!
1. WIDE ALIVE
This is not a self-help program, but a “self-hope” experience. It isn’t a course to fix yourself, but to find yourself, and live with aliveness in whatever circumstance you find yourself in.
Over the course of six Monday evenings (October 21 - November 25, 7:30pm - 9:00pm EST), we will meet together online and explore a number of ideas that help you move towards well-being and flourishing, regardless of where you’re at.
Even though full participation is encouraged, people are able to register knowing they can miss gatherings if needed, and everything will be recorded for you to have afterwards.
October 21: Pillars of Wellbeing, Health & Fulfilment
October 28: Finding Your Way Using the Compass of Your Soul
November 4: Questing for Wholeness not Perfection
November 11: Transformation and Personal Meaning-Making
November 18: Your Unique Signature of Belonging
November 25: Practices for Presence
These four key components will guide us:
Compassionate Growth: transformation is the engine of life, and we are made for change. We’ll embrace it while being gentle with ourselves!
Whole-Souled: prioritizing the body, heart, mind, and spirit as equally important in being Wide Alive.
Natural Rhythms: paying attention and practicing with the seasons of nature: Autumn, Winter, Spring & Summer
Loving Well: the goal of Wide Alive is not to simply slow down, or wake up to your life. The goal is to love well - yourself, others, the Divine, and the natural world.
You’ll also receive a weekly email from Christa with inspiration, encouragement, tangible spiritual practices to use in real-time, and additional curated resources.
This has been a tremendous experience over the last two cohorts! Find out what they are saying!
“Spiritual Practice doesn’t make you perfect, it simply makes you present.”
Momento Mori: Remember You Will Die
This practice, found in most of the perennial (wisdom) traditions including in Christian, Stoic and Buddhist worldviews is a practice to remember the one thing that is most true and we can be certain of - each of us will die.
Before you check out and think this is too grizzly, consider for a moment how this practice could remind you to be present, stay grateful, and make your connections and contributions count - life is fragile and finite.
So, take some time this month to consider your own death and its inevitability. You may even want to play around with the WECROAK app I highlight below in ‘The Brine’.
A few things to check out this month:
We Croak App- I first heard about this app in the early days of the pandemic. It’s a simple idea, and the founders have built out the resources to include a podcast, newsletter and more.
The Bruce Trail -The “Bruce” feels like a precious gem in my life. I’ve been slowly ticking off the kilometres of this 900km “ribbon of wilderness”for 12 years. I have less than 300km to go and hope to finish it in the next 12 months. I hope you check out the site, download a map, and get out there too!
Falling Upwards Book- I’m not sure I’ve recommend a book more to people over the last decade. This book about the second half of life by Father Richard Rohr should be mandatory reading for anyone over the age of 35. And, if you’re looking for a recent podcast where Father Richard discusses the book, check this out.
Last month I shared some interesting Enneagram Instagram accounts that you might find helpful.
There is a challenge in knowing who you can trust - there is a glut of voices out there offering Enneagram advice, coaching, teaching, and organizational team & leadership development.
But, not all voices are equal. Not all Enneagram training is equal either.
So, be careful in what accounts and people you follow. And, if you’re not sure, you can start by trying to see if people are trained by an accredited school or training program. For example, The Narrative Tradition, where I was trained is an Enneagram School of Distinction.
If you’re looking for a someone to accompany you in your own Enneagram journey, as an individual, a couple, a small group, or you’d like to bring me into your organization, you can learn more about some of the Enneagram support I offer here.
NEW SoulPlay Experiences are here!
Check out THE SOULPLAY CALENDAR for ALL the good stuff.
NEW PRICE and NEW FORMAT so more people can participate. This popular program has been updated to accommodate people’s schedule’s & budget. Join this six week program on Monday evenings from October 21 - November 25.
A truly powerful experience to help you slow down and listen to your soul. The circle fills up quickly with a cap of 8 participants. We’ll be meeting in the five Tuesdays in October. Register soon.
Don’t hesitate to bring some focus to your goals, priorities, values, and wellbeing. A few thoughtful sessions to help you sort out and explore what you want and need in this season in your life may just be what you’re looking for. Reach out today to find the support you’re looking for.
Christa is taking on new clients this fall. Find out how being companioned can help you uncover clarity, a sense of meaning, and renewed aliveness.
COMING SOON…. November 3: an online gathering
This Substack email platform is a great place to grow a community of like-minded/hearted/spirited people. Feel free to download the substack app for easier reading, connecting, and finding out about other great content.
Or, simply get the newsletter, like this one, in your inbox. There’s no need to do anything more.
Have something insightful to add? Want to join the conversation? Leave a comment.
Did this post remind of you someone? Think someone might need some soul play?! This post is public so feel free to pass it along.
Did you receive this email from someone? For newcomers to Soul Play - welcome! Subscribe below to receive the next update and resources in your inbox.